How I Ended Up Buying a Glow-in-the-Dark Pen That Quotes Morgan Freeman
In a world where every click, scroll, and idle thought is turned into a sales opportunity, have you ever stopped to wonder, are you really making your own choices, or are you just another pawn in the grand scheme of the marketing game? This article peels back the layers of advertising trickery, revealing how you’re being played—and why you walked away thinking you won.
There used to be a time when our parents would walk uphill both ways to go to school. On that perilous trek up the snowy mountains, they had to fight lions, face the occasional avalanche, and, of course, there was always a chance they would be attacked by a mountain snake or the yeti.
What they did not have, however, was the plethora of billboards and ads shoved in their faces, or influencers “influencing” them to live a lifestyle they neither wanted nor needed but were somehow convinced was the cool thing to do. Neither did they have the tech we do, constantly monitoring our every move, sound, and breath.
It was a tranquil time. A slow life. I assume if we ever get the chance to go back to that way of life, we would be bored out of our minds in the first two days. Our bodies and minds have now evolved into a constant need for entertainment. It’s an addiction, always looking for the next dopamine hit, like a cat staring at a treat jar.
Brands have no doubt cracked the code to our mental weakness.
Take TEMU, for example. The entire gamified shopping system is a marketing masterpiece designed to make you spend more and more, all while convincing you that you are winning.
Welcome to the Black Hole
Congratulations! You just got a 50% discount! But wait, there’s more. Spin this totally-not-rigged wheel for a chance to win two free items!
You spin the wheel.
Ding ding ding! You won! Except… the free items are only yours if you spend 5000 rupees first. No big deal. But hold on, we have another amazing offer for you.
Lick your phone screen, do 5 somersaults, chant “shopping is love, shopping is life,” and you’ll get a 5000 rupees cashback offer! You do it. Because why not?
Congratulations! You got the 5000 cashback offer! Now all you need to do is wake up your neighbour at 3 AM, make him download the app, and record a reel about it. Once he signs up, you’ll get 100% off your entire order!
Your neighbour now hates you, but hey, free stuff is free stuff.
Now, just add 20,000 rupees worth of random junk to your cart, and you will receive everything you ever dreamt of, including a PhD from Oxford, a trip to the moon, and a personal handshake from Elon Musk.
By the end of the day, you realise you have spent an obscene amount of money on a glow-in-the-dark pen that whispers Morgan Freeman quotes at night, and the only thing you actually got for free was a bottle opener that doesn’t even open bottles.
The Ad-pocalypse
When was the last time you walked somewhere and no one was trying to sell you something? The last time you looked at your phone and didn’t see an ad? When was the last time you bought something just because it looked nice?
I pride myself on being savvy when it comes to marketing tricks. And yet, despite working in advertising myself, I somehow still ended up with two sleeping bags. Am I going hiking anytime soon? Absolutely not. But it came free with the expensive cat toys I bought, which are now gathering dust since my cats prefer playing with a sock tied to a stick.
We are constantly being sold something, whether we like it or not. If it is not a human being selling an idea, it is the social media platforms, billboards, streamers, or commercials.
Everyone is trying to sell you something. It could be a product, an idea, or an illusion of a fulfilling promise.
Even after you buy something—let’s say a water bottle—you are still being sold the brand long after the water is gone. That logo was designed to remain etched in your memory after 2945 revisions by a client who still wanted one last change. You can’t escape it.
Even your tombstone will have your expiry date, like you were just another product on a shelf.
Welcome to the Matrix
Advertising comes in many forms. Right now, you are reading this article. First of all, that is quite a waste of time for you. But remember this word: BANANA.
Honestly, you should close this article right now. It isn’t worth your time but here comes a hook… something to keep you engaged, to make you feel like you’re about to learn something groundbreaking. Many in the industry know this secret, and I’m probably going to be in deep trouble for letting the cat out of the bag.
But since you’ve read this far, I feel like you deserve to know…
That I have just wasted your time. Just like advertising does.
I could have easily made the above paragraph shorter. You could have moved on with your day and done something better. But you didn’t.
Because you are hungry for dopamine, you want to know something grand. To be rewarded for reading a completely useless article that no one will care about in the next two months or even the next two days.
And yet, I have managed to tell you absolutely nothing of significance. I just sold you an idea that even I was unsure of.
Oh, and remember when I told you to remember the word BANANA?
Yeah, it doesn’t matter. Welcome to advertising.
The Grand Illusion
So, in this world where brands fight for your attention, where the average attention span is 1.5 seconds, is it even worth it?
What is going to happen to the next generation? Our parents had their own struggles, but at least they never had pop-ups screaming at them every time they tried to read the news.
We now pay money to stop companies from forcing us to look at ads. Just let that sink in. We are paying them so they do not sell things to us against our will.
Want a cookie? Used to be the best thing to hear as a kid. Now, we go online and desperately click “essential cookies only,” hoping it will stop companies from tracking us–but it never, ever works.
Our parents could talk about their dreams without worrying about anything.
Now, if you casually mention that you want to go on vacation, you will instantly see an ad for cheap flights, all-inclusive resorts, and a life coach who promises to heal your soul.
That is the power of media. By now, you are probably thinking, I already knew all this. I have not told you anything shocking or groundbreaking. That was never the point of this article.
Want to be truly shocked?
Buy an electric taser online for a discount. And don’t forget the word BANANA.
